Dear TLC:
I steal food. It’s what I do. My favorites are honey buns and mini muffins. Well, I usually sneak into the bathroom to eat them unnoticed but lately I need a lot of them to get my fix and if I get caught it’s too much to flush down the toilet. I don’t want to have to lower my quota. What do you recommend that doesn’t involve less loot?
Desperately awaiting a solution.
Joe
Dear Joe,
You ever watch squirrels? Today I was watching the squirrels in our back yard. They steal the seed from the birdfeeder. It makes my dad crazy. But what I’ve noticed is this: sometimes the squirrels eat the seed, but sometimes they stash it in different places around the yard so they can eat it later. This is what you must do with the muffins: STASH THEM. Why flush your muffins when you could just stash them behind the toilet? And there are lots of other good places to hide your stash. Like under your bed or or under your pillow or in your toy box. I have a toy oven and I hide stuff in there all the time.
Another good place is the back of your mom’s closet where she keeps her “skinny clothes.” If you’re lucky, and she’s anything like my mom, she’s probably got her own stash in there too.
Good luck.
TLC
Oh you’re GOOD…
Dear TLC,
While the toy oven seems like a good idea in theory…I think we’re on to you. After smelling some horrendous odors from my kids playroom I realized that their toy refrigerator was also doubling as a “real refrigerator” so I begin a regular check.
So let Joe know his mom might check his oven for freshly baked goodies…because that’s to obvious.
But the toy box…that’s brilliant. So much crap we parents don’t have the energy to look there.
oops… I mean “too” obvious.