The Master Plan

15 06 2009

People often say to me “TLC, you make it look so easy. You are truly a master criminal”. OK, so people don’t actually say that to me but I know they are thinking it. And they are right. I do make it LOOK easy. It looks easy because every time I pull a job, I have planned and researched and rehearsed every tiny detail. I make a master plan.

There are usually at least 5 steps to every master plan.

1. Choose the target – This could be anything. Maybe some treats in the kitchen, or your brother’s favorite toy, or…

2. Plan your route – You need to plan exactly how you are going to get from your bedroom, say, to the bathroom (maybe) and back again. It’s also good to have a backup route. Just in case.

3. Gather your tools – You may need to position a stool or something to get to your target if it is in a high cupboard. You’ll also need a backpack or bag to carry your loot.

4. Plan a diversion – You’ll need to distract mom or dad or whoever might see you.

5. Practice – You’ll want to do a “dry run through”. You could time yourself with a stopwatch.

If you follow these steps you’ll be a master criminal, too, and be well on your way to a life of crime.

And so you know, in the time it has taken you to read this, I’ve stolen $80 worth of mom’s makeup from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. And I’m wearing lipstick.

What’s your master plan?

Good luck,


the plan 001